GOD!! Please help me!!

ok...date:24-2-2010 just four more days for my publics.....
I've been staying back at school and studying there of late. It is certainly better than studying at home with my parents constantly under tension and also putting me in more of it!! But studying at school has brought abouttensipon of another kind. Looking at me study at school almost every freakin person i come across through out the day expects a freakin state rank from me!! ok had i been studying ever since school started rthis academic year, sure i would have been able to get a state rank (may be) but i didn't and so i know i won't be able to get a bloody state rank. Give me a break, i know i am pretty bright compared to most other students but i'm jus too laid back to get a state rank and even if i do get it i can frankly tell you that i wouldn't deserve it. Heck, if i get a state rank i'll lose all chances of going into automotive engineering (something i really REALLY wanna do) and will have to sit and cut up (human) bodies for the rest of my life. I'd rather make a car that can stop all accidents than try to save the life of a person whos been in an accident! I hope people remember that last sentence it is the one sentence that keeps me going...and of course theres Aishu whokeeps me going but neither she or that sentence can get me a state rank (about which i don't really care!) *sigh* Well atleast i know that other people will be a lot more disappionted than i when i DON'T get a state rank. Well lets see what exactly happens. I'm off for now, see you all(if theres anyone there reading this blog at all!!) after my boards. Tata and bye for now (and no i'm not advertising for tata by asking you to "bye"(buy) it...i know, i know MOKKAI! God please help them!!)